I often meet small group leaders who are frustrated with the level of interaction and intimacy within their group gatherings. These leaders are looking for a way to get people to open up and share deeply with the rest of the group. The curriculum they are using delivers great content, the follow up questions are good questions, but they are baffled that there are people in the group who are quiet, holding back, or seem unengaged. The group leader is disappointed that the group isn't interacting at the depth they imagined when they were dreaming of hosting the group. When group members aren't living up to your expectations in terms of sharing and interacting on the deeper levels, consider how levels of friendship impact your group dynamic.
Have you noticed that there are levels of friendship? These levels may also equate to "stages" of friendship in your life? Life Groups provide people the opportunity to move closer in friendship.
Level 1: There are people who you and I associate at an "acquaintance" level. We see them occasionally and you may know their name. We only know one or two facts about them like; where they work, who they're married to, or if they have children. Most of the people you attend worship services with are among your "acquaintances" only.
Level 2: There are other people with whom we have a "casual friendships." These are the people you have discovered, and sometimes enjoy a common interest with such as basketball or playing a certain card game like euchre. We may get together occasionally to play or to watch a game with them, but our relationship is mostly based on our common interest and that's our focus when we are together.
Level 3: Still, there are others in your life that you might call "close friends." These people are ones who you have connected with on a more emotional or "soul" level. We share more than common interests, we share many of the same values and life goals. We walk together and often help each other through life.
Level 4: A fourth, and deepest, level of friendship that we experience in life is an "intimate friendship." These are the people who you and I share our deepest thoughts, ideas, feelings, concerns with. These are the relationships were we am most vulnerable and transparent. They are the people who we are most comfortable sharing our questions of life, temptation-struggles, and moral trials with.
The levels of friendship are at least one of the dynamics that have an effect on your group relationships and interactions. There are some people who are able to jump in and dive deep despite the fact that they have not established any of these levels of friendship with other group members. They are trusting and open from the start, but there are others who will be more guarded and quiet.
Here are a few things that you can do to help people move along in the levels of friendship, so that you can enjoy deeper levels of conversation and connection.
1. Play the "Name Game." Explain that this is a simple game, but a great way for everyone to learn each others name and begin to know something more about each other. Each person tries to think of an adjective that would best describe themselves. It must also have the same first letter as their name. For example: "Creative Carl" or "Happy Helen." Invite each person to share why they chose that particular adjective to describe themselves. Before a person can add their adjective and name, have them start from the beginning person and end with themselves. There will be a lot of laughter in the room and the repetition will help everyone remember the names of the group members and something significant about each one.
(for other ice breakers visit: smallgroupicebreakers.com)
2. Share a meal or dessert. Food is a connector! In life, we mostly only eat with those we consider family or closer friends. Eating with your group is one way to usher in a feeling of relational warmth and belonging. (For more on this idea click here)
3. Do something together. After a couple of weeks you might want to invite your group members to come to a party at your home or do some other activity together like bowling. Doing things together will help them move closer to one another in friendship. Spending time together way from your regular gathering and subject matter, may help people feel more comfortable and able to relate once you are back in the normal group setting.
4. Encourage outside interaction: Encourage group members to connect throughout the week through facebook, text, or e-mail. For some group members a once a week interaction is plenty for them to feel connected, others will feel like the relationship is constantly starting and stopping and the week may feel long. Look to determine what level of interaction your group members need in order to stay warm to you and others in your group.
What are you ideas? What things have you discovered that help people move closer to one another in friendship, depth of conversation and growth?
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