Hugs, High-Fives, Handshakes & Holy Kisses: working out your way to welcome

It's opening night for your life group gathering and your first guests are at the door.  Suddenly, you realize that beyond all the preparations for your gathering, the one thing you failed to consider was how you will greet your guests?  Quickly, you run through your options...

A) hug each one as they come in the door. 

B) shake hands with each person.

C) Pull a combo: only a hug the women, but shake hands with the men.
D) Go freestyle - hug the people that you know best and shake hands with the people you don't know as well.
E) Hug the women and Hi-Five the men.

Of course, if you choose to go with the hug as your way of welcome you should be aware that there are a number of options within this option as well.  You could give a "bear hug" where you basically squeeze and lift someone off the ground.  Bear hugs are mostly used by jovial people with good backs.  There is always the standard "three pat" on the back hug.  I'm not sure why three pats is the rule, but 2 is too little and 4 is overboard.  Beyond the bear hug and three pat, there is always the "side hug."  I have to admit, side hugs seem a little awkward.  The side hug seems to say, "We are close, but not that close."  Perhaps there are other forms of hugs to consider, but the point is... choose your hug wisely.

Perhaps the most relationally safe and more culturally acceptable greeting is the handshake.  However, you may quickly realize that there are a number of ways to shake hands as well.  Most widely used is the the "traditional three-pump handshake" which requires a firm grip and includes three low range up-and-down shakes.  Like the three pat hug, the three-pump handshake requires three shakes.  Two shakes is too little and 4 is overboard.  There is also the "conversation handshake."  This is a handshake where you continue to hold the persons hand after the handshake while finish speaking to them.  Be careful using the conversation handshake, you may hold the persons hand too long, resulting in your guest experiencing an awkward "trapped" feeling.  There is also  handshake / shoulder or arm pat combo.  This handshake includes using your free hand to pat your gust on the arm or back.  This type of handshake seems to say, "I'm greeting you formally, but we have a closer relationship than this and you really deserve a hug." Another handshake that is similar to the handshake with shoulder pat is the "handshake free-hand overlay."  This is a technique where you lay your free hand over-the-top of the person's hand you are shaking hands with.  This handshake seems to say, "I care about you."  Lastly, there's the combination "handshake / hug" where your greeting starts with a handshake, but ends with an awkward hug where your handshake ends up trapped between the two of you as you hug.  This handshake occurs most often when one or more of you is uncertain about the status of your relationship.

Of course, above all these ideas stands what the Bible says about how Christians should greet.  More than once the Bible says that believers should "greet each other with a holy kiss"    1 Corinthians 13:12.

All joking aside, your greeting is an important part of your group gathering.  The greeting you choose will help to set the relational tone of your night. Your greeting will almost alwys include a combination of verbal and nonverbal gestures and actions that will help communicate acceptance, and belonging to your guests.  And while I may have over-stated or over-illustrated the importance of your greeting, I do belive it is something worth thinking about.

My recommendation:  Go with the "traditional three pump handshake" with a word combo of, "Good to see you!  Come on in!"

  

Failing to Prepare is like Preparing to Fail

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." - Benjamin Franklin

When it comes to small group leadership, preparation is key.  I've met countless leaders who believe small group leadership is a simple thing. In some ways they are right.  It's not crazy complicated, but I've seen a lot of leaders end up disappointed and disillusioned at the end of their group's season and most often it can be traced back to this one thing...they failed to prepare.

Planning Pitfalls:

Playing it by ear.   Many small group leaders impede their success because they choose to "play it by ear."  For instance, I've seen many leaders pick a book to read and discuss.  They simply title their group by the book's title and then pick a day, a time, and  a room at the church and just go for it!  More often than not, the group gets bogged down with discussion and the leader allows the group to spend too much time or even too many weeks in one area of the content.  This forces the group to speed up in order to wrap up or even tack on more gatherings.

Partial Planning.  I have also seen many leaders fail their group by only partially planning their group gatherings.  They often plan the first couple of sessions in order to have a good launch but make the mistake of thinking they'll have time to plan the rest later.  Take the time to fully review your material and create a well designed plan before you begin. 

3 Keys to Preparing a Plan.

Create a calendar.  Map out the dates and number of small group gatherings you intend to host.  Be mindful of other national holidays, school and other local events that may pull people from involvement in your group gathering. (click here to download winter weekday Life Group planning sheets)

Create Consistency.  Be sure to pick the same day and time.  People seem to attend gatherings and events that have a consistent "rhythm" as to when the group meets.  Along with a consistent day of the week, you should also consider where and what time the group will meet.  Consistent places and time of day are important factors for keeping the group alive.

Create Content.  Decide what your group will study, learn, and experience together. From there, determine what  part of the study will take place each session.  Consider "titling" each session and writing a short description of what the goal of the study will be.  Next, place the title of the session on the your calendar.  From there you can begin fashioning a session outline for each session you intend to host.  Consider including the following elements: food, and relational time, icebreaker questions, content, activity, discussion, prayer, testimonies, and worship.

The bottom line... if you will take the time to plan your gatherings you will reap the rewards.  Your clearly communicated plan will result another key to success as a leader:  CONFIDENCE.