3rd Gear Small Groups | Getting your group humming spiritually and relationally

My first car was actually a truck. Near my 16th birthday I purchased a 1963 Chevrolet pick up truck for $300.  I loved the look of my old truck.  The motor worked great but I cannot say the same for the the gear shifter.  It had an on the column, a.k.a. "three on the tree" gear shifter and it was hard to get in gear.  First gear was fairly easy, simply pull the lever toward you and push down.  However, 2nd and 3rd were more tricky.  Second was supposed to be push away from yourself and toward the dash and up.  Third was push away and down, but for some reason it just wasn't always that easy.  There were plenty of days I would drive all the way to school in 2nd gear trying hard the entire time to get it into 3rd.  Third gear was illusive in my old truck and I have found that third gear can be just as illusive in small groups. Read on... are you getting your small group into to 3rd gear or are you stuck in first or second?

1st Gear:  The Gathering.
In first gear you group will decide to meet regularly with one another (weekly is best). You'll do ice breakers and experience interactive discussions based on the Bible. You'll likely pray for one another's needs and share snacks. Group members may even be willing to serve the group by bringing snacks, taking attendance, or helping set up / tear down tables and chairs.  

2nd Gear: Commitment and Connection.
In second gear you'll find that a "shift" has taken place.  Group members are committed to being present.  In this gear, group members are now more comfortable sharing their personal stories.  In second gear, people come not only because they are learning good content, but they come for the relational connection they feel with the other group members.  A second gear group is an environment where people willingly contribute to the discussions.  Also, in second gear you will find that certain group members will begin to relate beyond the gathering.  They may talk by phone or internet, share lunches or dinners, or engage in recreational activities and other outings together.

3rd Gear: Belonging to One Another.
In this third gear, group members move to a level of fellowship, friendship and connection where they are comfortable sharing struggles and even sins.  In this gear you'll find that group members are willing to serve one another.  They share and respond to one another in times of sickness or need.  In third gear your group members feel responsibility to care for one another physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  They celebrate one another's accomplishments and sacrifice to alleviate each others sufferings.

How about you?  Are you getting your small group into to 3rd gear or are you stuck in first or second?

The ABC's of Life Group Ministry

To lead an effective Small group you'll need to know your ABC's.  Knowing them and keeping them in the correct order of importance will be key to your success as you connect members and grow your group spiritually!  Here they are in the correct order of importance:

A is for acceptance -- B is for belonging -- C is for content

Acceptance = Belonging:  At first glance you might think acceptance and belonging are the same thing. While they are closely related, there is a difference. Acceptance comes before belonging.  Acceptance is what you and the other group members offer to one another.  Belonging this how a group member feels about their place in the group.  Content (the biblical truth and the life principals you hope to teach and for people will absorb) may be the reason someone signs up for your group, however, it won't be why they stay actively involved.  Acceptance that results in the feeling of belonging will keep group members coming back to learn your content.

Group leaders often get the ABC's out of order.  Many group leaders give content first place in the way of value and emphasis (CAB).  The result is a "CAB" ride to disillusionment and frustration as a leader.  CAB undermines your effectiveness.  Content driven leaders often end up baffled over the reason for their dwindling or and erratic group attendance.  They question people's commitment to Christ and spiritual growth and wonder why group members are not eating up and licking the bowl when it comes to their weekly opportunity to be taught such great truths and life changing principals.

Here's the truth... CAB's always wreck!  
ABC = great attendance and spiritual growth.

Content driven leaders need to memorize this phrase... 
"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

Here are 5 ways to build an  atmosphere of acceptance:

1). Acknowledge Each Person:  Welcome every guest and make sure the other group members are aware of one another as well.  Welcome each person individually but quickly look for ways to connect them with others.  Say something like, "Welcome Jane, I'm glad you came!  Hey have you met Emily?"  Quickly get guests started in conversation with one another and then excuse yourself to continue welcoming and connecting other guest.

2). Affirm Everyone:  As you greet each person and introduce the person to others, complement them by sharing an important fact about them. Share something about them that you find interesting or impressive.  For instance, people often introduce me to others and share that I am the father of 10 children as a point of interest or uniqueness.  I have a friend who writes poetry and has published 2 books.  When I often share this fact about her when I am introducing her to others.

3). Assign Involvement:  Try and ask every group member to help with some aspect of the group gatherings.  Think about the small tasks you will need to do each week and ask group members to help you do them.  Invite another group member to help you greet people at the door.  Invite group members to sign up to bring snacks or beverages.  Ask someone to help you take attendance or cue up a video the group will watch.  Ask a group member to pray or facilitate discussion by being the first to respond to the opening question after the video teaching is over.  There are a number of ways to assign involvement.  Be creative.


4). Award  Attendance:  Some groups literally award attendance by offering a graduation type of certificate to all who complete the course of study.  Other, less formal ways of awarding attendance would be to offer special prizes or incentives to people who attend regularly.  Another small way to to bolster attendance might be to make announcements about good things that will be coming up in the next session.  Build anticipation with the promise of a reward but make sure you follow through!  If you say, "Next week at this time we'll be eating chocolate cake!" then you better have cake and let them eat it too!

5). Ask Questions:  Acceptance is offered and experienced when a person (or group) genuinely asks questions about someone and truly listens to the person when they answer.  Acceptance goes way beyond  just offering someone a seat in the circle.  It must include the opportunity to open up and share something of themselves with the group.  To begin with, questions should be about the person you and not related to the content.


Do you have any ABC stories?
How do you create an ABC environment?
What are some personal questions you would use to express interest in someone and give them the opportunity to share something about themselves?