Conversation Domination: dealing with a dominant personality

We've all been there, stuck in a small group suffering from conversation domination.  Sometimes the dominator is someone who just loves to hear themselves talk.  Occasionally it's someone who believes the small group is there to help them week after week with their latest crisis.  The conversation dominator might be someone who hijacks the conversation and tries to teach all they know about the topic. All too often the conversation dominator is the small group leader themselves!  This can happen when a leader lacks the skill to facilitate group conversation and simply fills the small group session with teaching.  Other times leaders are unwilling to let questions hang in the room and so they alleviate the awkward silence by answering their own questions.  In any case, conversation domination hurts the connectedness of group members and stunts their personal growth by robbing them of the chance to relate and verbally process transformational truth.

Here now are a few ways to fix the problem of conversation domination.

Ground-rules for your gathering.
It may seem like a no-brainier to many of your group members the small group is meant to be an equal opportunity conversation, but sometimes it is good to say so up front.  You might start the first group gathering with a short (2 minute) values and expectations speech where you include a statement about how to participate without dominating.

Learn the fine art of interjection.
Let's be honest, most of the time dominators just can't help themselves.  Some even say things like, "I know I'm taking up more than my share of time here but I just have to share this..."  Group leaders need to learn the fine art of interjection.  Everyone has to take a breath at some point.  Catch'em on the off beat and interject a comment or new question like, "That's interesting, I was wondering if anyone has had similar or different experience?"  Using "I was wondering" questions changes the direction and reopens the conversation for new people to participate.

Put it in print.
Sometimes it is helpful to put your group discussion questions in print.  When members see the questions ahead of time they can begin to think about their answers or responses.  Dominators may hold back when they realize there are a number of questions your group is hoping to work through.  As with ground-rules, share the printed questions with the group and express the value of creating a conversation where everyone has the opportunity to share answers and responses.

Add and object.
Do you remember that classic book Lord Of The Flies where Ralph establishes a number of rules for their gathering?  Among the rules is this one, "whoever holds the conch gets to speak."  Sometimes it's helpful to find an object that relates to your discussion and pass it around as a symbol of focus.  Whoever holds the rose, the football, the magnifying glass, the remote-control, gets to speak.

Employ the dominator.
There comes a point when you may need to just correct a dominant person alone and away from the group, however you may be able to employ the dominator and get them to help you with your mission to get everyone talking.  Sometimes dominators can become conversation creators if they are invited to speak on purpose.

What are some of your conversation domination stories?

How do you debunk dominators?