3rd Gear Small Groups | Getting your group humming spiritually and relationally

My first car was actually a truck. Near my 16th birthday I purchased a 1963 Chevrolet pick up truck for $300.  I loved the look of my old truck.  The motor worked great but I cannot say the same for the the gear shifter.  It had an on the column, a.k.a. "three on the tree" gear shifter and it was hard to get in gear.  First gear was fairly easy, simply pull the lever toward you and push down.  However, 2nd and 3rd were more tricky.  Second was supposed to be push away from yourself and toward the dash and up.  Third was push away and down, but for some reason it just wasn't always that easy.  There were plenty of days I would drive all the way to school in 2nd gear trying hard the entire time to get it into 3rd.  Third gear was illusive in my old truck and I have found that third gear can be just as illusive in small groups. Read on... are you getting your small group into to 3rd gear or are you stuck in first or second?

1st Gear:  The Gathering.
In first gear you group will decide to meet regularly with one another (weekly is best). You'll do ice breakers and experience interactive discussions based on the Bible. You'll likely pray for one another's needs and share snacks. Group members may even be willing to serve the group by bringing snacks, taking attendance, or helping set up / tear down tables and chairs.  

2nd Gear: Commitment and Connection.
In second gear you'll find that a "shift" has taken place.  Group members are committed to being present.  In this gear, group members are now more comfortable sharing their personal stories.  In second gear, people come not only because they are learning good content, but they come for the relational connection they feel with the other group members.  A second gear group is an environment where people willingly contribute to the discussions.  Also, in second gear you will find that certain group members will begin to relate beyond the gathering.  They may talk by phone or internet, share lunches or dinners, or engage in recreational activities and other outings together.

3rd Gear: Belonging to One Another.
In this third gear, group members move to a level of fellowship, friendship and connection where they are comfortable sharing struggles and even sins.  In this gear you'll find that group members are willing to serve one another.  They share and respond to one another in times of sickness or need.  In third gear your group members feel responsibility to care for one another physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  They celebrate one another's accomplishments and sacrifice to alleviate each others sufferings.

How about you?  Are you getting your small group into to 3rd gear or are you stuck in first or second?

Levels of Friendship: Life Groups as a pathway to friendship

I often meet small group leaders who are frustrated with the level of interaction and intimacy within their group gatherings.  These leaders are looking for a way to get people to open up and share deeply with the rest of the group.  The curriculum they are using delivers great content, the follow up questions are good questions, but they are baffled that there are people in the group who are quiet, holding back, or seem unengaged.  The group leader is disappointed that the group isn't interacting at the depth they imagined when they were dreaming of hosting the group.  When group members aren't living up to your expectations in terms of sharing and interacting on the deeper levels, consider how levels of friendship impact your group dynamic.

Have you noticed that there are  levels of friendship?  These levels may also equate to "stages" of friendship in your life?  Life Groups provide people the opportunity to move closer in friendship.

Level 1: There are people who you and I associate at an "acquaintance" level.  We see them occasionally and you may know their name.  We only know one or two facts about them like; where they work, who they're married to, or if they have children.  Most of the people you attend worship services with are among your "acquaintances" only.

Level 2:  There are other people with whom we have a "casual friendships."  These are the people you have discovered, and sometimes enjoy a common interest with such as basketball or playing a certain card game like euchre.  We may get together occasionally to play or to watch a game with them, but our relationship is mostly based on our common interest and that's our focus when we are together.

Level 3: Still, there are others in your life that you might call "close friends." These people are ones who you have connected with on a more emotional or "soul" level.  We share more than common interests, we share many of the same values and life goals.  We walk together and often help each other through life.

Level 4: A fourth, and deepest, level of friendship that we experience in life is an "intimate friendship." These are the people who you and I share our deepest thoughts, ideas, feelings, concerns with.  These are the relationships were we am most vulnerable and transparent.  They are the people who we are most comfortable sharing our questions of life, temptation-struggles, and moral trials with.

The levels of friendship are at least one of the dynamics that have an effect on your group relationships and interactions.  There are some people who are able to jump in and dive deep despite the fact that they have not established any of these levels of friendship with other group members.  They are trusting and open from the start, but there are others who will be more guarded and quiet.

Here are a few things that you can do to help people move along in the levels of friendship, so that you can enjoy deeper levels of conversation and connection.

1.  Play the "Name Game."  Explain that this is a simple game, but a great way for everyone to learn each others name and begin to know something more about each other.  Each person tries to think of an adjective that would best describe themselves.  It must also have the same first letter as their name.  For example: "Creative Carl" or "Happy Helen."  Invite each person to share why they chose that particular adjective to describe themselves.  Before a person can add their adjective and name, have them start from the beginning person and end with themselves.  There will be a lot of laughter in the room and the repetition will help everyone remember the names of the group members and something significant about each one.
(for other ice breakers visit: smallgroupicebreakers.com)

2.  Share a meal or dessert.  Food is a connector!  In life, we mostly only eat with those we consider family or closer friends.  Eating with your group is one way to usher in a feeling of relational warmth and belonging. (For more on this idea click here)

3.  Do something together.  After a couple of weeks you might want to invite your group members to come to a party at your home or do some other activity together like bowling. Doing things together will help them move closer to one another in friendship.   Spending time together way from your regular gathering and subject matter, may help people feel more comfortable and able to relate once you are back in the normal group setting.

4. Encourage outside interaction:  Encourage group members to connect throughout the week through facebook, text, or e-mail.  For some group members a once a week interaction is plenty for them to feel connected, others will feel like the relationship is constantly starting and stopping and the week may feel long.  Look to determine what level of interaction your group members need in order to stay warm to you and others in your group.

What are you ideas?  What things have you discovered that help people move closer to one another in friendship, depth of conversation and growth?

Cooking up Connections: Food as an important small group ingredient

This past season, I hosted a small group in the first room most people pass on their way to other group gatherings in our building.  Inevitably, two or three people would lean in and say,  "I chose the wrong group!" or  "I need to come to your life group!"  They didn't say that because I'm the greatest group leader.  They weren't drawn to the amazing Christian content we were learning and discussing.  Those comments were all food focused!  They were drawn by the smell of our freshly brewed coffee and the tables plated with chex-mix and brownies.

Ok, here's today's BIG insight...people like food.  Here now, are a few good reasons why you should consider food as an important ingredient to your small group gathering.

1. Food is a conversation starter:  Food is an easy ice breaker! Food has a way of getting people talking (sometimes with their mouths full). Not everyone can talk sports, or books or politics, but everyone can talk food.  Group members love to compare how many cups of coffee they drink each day.  People often share fun food stories. 

2.  Food = belonging:  People associate "belonging and acceptance" with food.  Take a close look at your life with food and you'll soon see what I mean.  For the most part, you and I only eat with people we love, accept, like and relate to.  Including food at your gathering, creates a feeling of acceptance and  belonging.  People will drawn from this universal rule (food = belonging) when you share food.

3.  Bringing & sharing food creates group ownership:  Inviting others to contribute food to the group gathering is an easy way to build a since of ownership in to the group.  Group members who contribute food will feel good about contributing to the success of the group gathering.  It moves them from spectator / attender to more of a helper / facilitator.

4.  Food is a group activity:  Food gives everyone something to do and literally gets people moving.  No one can sit still and eat.  Food gives people something to do with their hands.  I have met more than few men who I am convinced they can hardly speak unless they have a cup of coffee in hand.  Coffee and conversation go together, just like food and friendship.

Who is willing to share their small group food stories?
Go ahead, post a few recipes as well!