Body Language | what your small group members are saying without speaking

Do you want to know what people really think about the small group experience you are hosting or leading?  To find out, you won't have to create a survey or take a poll.  The truth is, they probably won't share out right what they think or feel; however, they will show you.  People often express themselves (intentionally and unintentionally) through their body language, otherwise know as non-verbal communication.  Let's lean in and take a closer look at how you can learn to read the room.

Understanding or Not:  People often show physical signs of understanding.  Observe how many will nod their head in agreement.  Others will make a  "humm" (simi-verbal) sound when they find a point particularly interesting or relevant.  Just as there are physical signs of understanding, there are also physical signs that people are not understanding or accepting your message.  They may shift in their seat, press their hand against thier forehead, furrow their brow or even rub their eyes.  Anytime a person's posture is asymmetrical it may be a sign that something is "off" balance in their experience or understanding.

Impatient or Bored:  At times people will show signs of boredom or impatience by glancing at their watch.  Some will bounce a knee or even look down and away.  They may pack up their things early or provide short answers to questions.  Others will disengage completely and look into space. Interested people will sit up taller and face the presenter or presentation.  Disinterested people may lean, slouch or even posture themselves away from the presenter.

Offended or Defensive:  Sometimes a group member will disagree with another person or perspective.  The most common non-verbal postures people use when they are feeling defensive or offended are crossing of the arms or legs and a closed thin-lined mouth.  People often may try and mask their offense or disagreement with a tight smile.

Engaged and Interested:  People who are engaged and interested will posture upward and toward the group or presenter.  They may tilt their head slightly (as if to hear better).  Along with a tilted head, you may see them furrow their brow slightly (different from confusion).  The furrowed brow may be an indication that they are processing the points of application related to the content or perspective you have shared.

The good news is that somebody showed up!  The ultimate negative body language sign is when there is nobody there!  So, learn to read the room and make appropriate adjustments to your relational learning environment so that everyone is speaking the same open and engaged body language.

What non-verbal cues have you noticed in your group settings?
How does your body language as a leader influence others?
Would you add anything to the list above?

Cooking up Connections: Food as an important small group ingredient

This past season, I hosted a small group in the first room most people pass on their way to other group gatherings in our building.  Inevitably, two or three people would lean in and say,  "I chose the wrong group!" or  "I need to come to your life group!"  They didn't say that because I'm the greatest group leader.  They weren't drawn to the amazing Christian content we were learning and discussing.  Those comments were all food focused!  They were drawn by the smell of our freshly brewed coffee and the tables plated with chex-mix and brownies.

Ok, here's today's BIG insight...people like food.  Here now, are a few good reasons why you should consider food as an important ingredient to your small group gathering.

1. Food is a conversation starter:  Food is an easy ice breaker! Food has a way of getting people talking (sometimes with their mouths full). Not everyone can talk sports, or books or politics, but everyone can talk food.  Group members love to compare how many cups of coffee they drink each day.  People often share fun food stories. 

2.  Food = belonging:  People associate "belonging and acceptance" with food.  Take a close look at your life with food and you'll soon see what I mean.  For the most part, you and I only eat with people we love, accept, like and relate to.  Including food at your gathering, creates a feeling of acceptance and  belonging.  People will drawn from this universal rule (food = belonging) when you share food.

3.  Bringing & sharing food creates group ownership:  Inviting others to contribute food to the group gathering is an easy way to build a since of ownership in to the group.  Group members who contribute food will feel good about contributing to the success of the group gathering.  It moves them from spectator / attender to more of a helper / facilitator.

4.  Food is a group activity:  Food gives everyone something to do and literally gets people moving.  No one can sit still and eat.  Food gives people something to do with their hands.  I have met more than few men who I am convinced they can hardly speak unless they have a cup of coffee in hand.  Coffee and conversation go together, just like food and friendship.

Who is willing to share their small group food stories?
Go ahead, post a few recipes as well!

Invitation vrs. Information

Yes, marketing matters, but it will never beat the power of a personal invitation when it comes to filling your group.  If you are looking for an effective way to populate your group come opening night, you'll need to recapture the lost art of personally inviting people.  I know that it seems crazy in this day and age of color brochures, Facebook posts, emails and bulletin announcements. It feels entirely inefficient to actually have to talk to people in order to get them to want the incredible experience your are offering for them to connect, learn and grow.  How primitive! but, this is what it honestly takes.  Personal invitation trumps all else.

Having said all of that, here are a few best practices when personally inviting someone to your group.

Information as Invitation:  A lot of people get these two things confused.  They think that because they posted the event, placed an add in the bulletin, or handed out a flyer that they have done the job of inviting people.  What they don't understand, is that information is not an invitation.  Ending your bulletin announcement with "come and join us" won't yield the involvement results you are hoping for.

Invitation with Information: Use marketing materials with your personal invite.  The brochure or flyer you created are more effective when you are using them as a part of your personal invitation.

Invite them to join you.  People are often more interested in enjoying and relating to you much or more than they may be interested in the actual small group study.  Inviting them to join your small group is really like inviting them into another level of relationship with you. Share that you would like them to come because you like them and would like to share the experience with them.

Invite and wait for a response: 
Learn to personally invite and ask for a response.  I often ask small group leaders if they invited anyone to their small group.  Most of the time have they say "yes."  It's always fun to ask them a follow up question, "Who is coming?"  This is the moment when uncertainty sweeps over many group leader's faces.  The truth is, they don't really know who is coming.  Why?  Because they really only delivered personal information, not a personal invitation where they ended with a definitive response.

Ask and wait for it!  Your personal call should include information, a statement of inclusion like "I'd like to have you there," as well as a clear ask, "Will you come?"  We have found that most people are able to make the decision right then.  Many will say "yes" simply because you asked.  A few will politely say "no" but will be glad you asked.  And others will need to check a calendar or talk to a spouse before committing, but they too will be glad you asked!  In the end you'll have a better handle on who is coming and therefore you will be able to confidently prepare for your small group gathering.  Always end every personal invitation by asking, "Will you come?" and wait for a response!

Sample Personal Invitation:  "Hi John!, I'm calling to invite you to the group of guys I'm hosting on Thursday nights.  We'll meet at my house at 6:30 - 8:00 PM.  Our night will include food and beverages, then we'll watch about a 15 minute video that challenges us as men, and then discuss what we think about it all.  We'll do this for 6 weeks.  I'd like to include you among the guys John.  Will you come?"  (pause for an answer!)